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So I filled out my profiles honestly, noting in each I was not looking to date, "only make friends :)." This practice got trickier on more information-intensive apps—I literally responded to Coffee Meets Bagel's "I like it when my date…" query with a "doesn't want to date me. But Laurie Davis, author of and an online dating consultant, later told me that strategy was all wrong: Being direct was the kiss of death."If you're looking for friends, I would just not write anything about that until the very end if they ask you a question about it," she said. "On OKCupid, they ask you 'you should message me if…' and I would say something really casual there like, 'You think having a drink would be fun.' Use words like 'fun,' which is an indicator of more for social than anything else." She didn't have a lot of faith in my whole friend-getting scheme, really.Tinder was the worst of them: All I saw were a couple of group shots (but which guy are you, Steve?), ab selfies, and if I was really lucky, a suit shot."As someone who's single, I wouldn't suggest [you] joining a dating site if you're really not interested in dating anyone at least casually," she said. I thought my "friends only" profiles would be the measure of this: The people who swiped right on me after reading them would understand and accept my terms.I jumped in swiping myself and found, to my surprise, a lot of guys were cool with my rule.With no other criteria, I swiped right on guys who I found attractive and could write a literate sentence in their About Me, the same method I used when trying to date.
On Tinder particularly, "The purpose was never just for dating, it was for social discovery in general," Rosette Pambakian, vice president of communications for the app, told me.
I moved to New York less than two years ago and have been trying to expand my circle as I build roots in the city.
As a very extroverted person, I believe the more people around, the merrier (and richer) life is.
A woman's profile would show up on my Tinder, and I'd just stare at it.
I couldn't swipe right, partly because of an information shortage, partly because of the guilt I felt misleading the woman in the picture.
I associated more with her: She had zero chance with me romantically because of my sexual orientation, and I'd feel unethically deceptive talking with her even though I wrote "straight" in my profile and that I was just searching for friends. I always wanted an English friend, in part due to the accent and cultural intrigue.